A new way to set goals that leads to fulfilment, not just achievement.
Goal setting is more than productivity advice. In transformational coaching, it becomes a sacred act of becoming. It is about clarifying your soul’s direction and building the inner and outer support system to walk that path with integrity.
For many goal setting can feel defeating. You might have set goals before and failed. You might associate goals with pressure, shame or a kind of rigid perfectionism that left you feeling more disconnected than inspired but goal setting when approached with nuance, neuroscience and somatic intelligence becomes a profound pathway to a sense of liberation.
It is a method not just for getting what you want but becoming who you truly are.
In a coaching container designed to honour the full spectrum of your being mind, body, energy and soul, goal setting is a living practice. It evolves with you. It reveals you to yourself. It builds your capacity to meet your own becoming.
What is goal setting. At its essence goal setting is the intentional process of identifying a desired future state and orienting your life toward it. Instead of forcing your will you are aligning with your values. (if you’re not sure of your values go here).
Goal setting is a structure for desire and desire is sacred.
Goal Setting Works (When You Do It Differently)
Let’s clarify that goal setting is not about becoming a productivity machine. It’s not about squeezing more out of yourself or turning your nervous system into a performance engine.
In transformational coaching goal setting gets to be something something entirely different. It’s a tool for evolving your identity and self concept. It’s a way to become who you’re here to be. It is not a to-do list
Real actionable progress comes from working with the psychology, the biology, the emotions and the energy behind your desires. It comes from getting honest about the fear of failure, the potential burnout and the shame. That kind of depth doesn’t come from writing SMART goals in a notebook a few times a year. (SMART goals are great for planning your progress).
It comes from creating goals that feel like you, goals that are coherent with your nervous system, your soul and the life you actually want to live.
If you’ve ever set a goal and felt like it betrayed you or you let someone down or even worse, like you betrayed yourself, this is for you.
What Goal Setting Can Be
At its core goal setting is an intentional orientation toward a future state. It’s a way of saying, “I’m choosing this direction” rather than being carried by old habits, unconscious programming or external pressures.
In a coaching container especially one rooted in deep transformation goal setting becomes something more sacred. It becomes a structure for soul-led evolution.
Goals when approached this way help regulate your attention. They focus your energy. They reveal your beliefs. They show you where your nervous system contracts and where your soul expands and ultimately they shape the person you’re becoming.
In this way goal setting is less about chasing outcomes and more about initiating identity.
Why Bother With Goal Setting
Research in positive psychology and cognitive science shows us that goals that are intrinsically motivated are essential to wellbeing. From a psychological perspective goals increase clarity, motivation and resilience. Locke and Latham’s foundational work in Goal Setting Theory found that specific and challenging goals consistently lead to higher performance than vague or easy ones. Goals direct attention, mobilise effort, increase persistence and encourage the development of new strategies.
Recent studies deepen that insight showing that goals rooted in personal values, identity and purpose are more likely to be sustained over time. Goals that arise from internal motivation rather than external expectation help regulate emotions, anchor self-worth and fuel long-term commitment.
Here’s an important nuance, the type of goal matters.
Goals that are aligned with your values and self-concept are far more sustainable than goals that come from external pressure or internal pressures, ego. This is echoed in Self-Determination Theory by Deci & Ryan, which highlights the importance of autonomy, competence and relatedness in creating meaningful, long-lasting motivation.
If your goal is linked to proving your worth it will feel exhausting.
If your goal is about expressing who you are it becomes a fuel source.
The Neuroscience of Goal Setting
Neurologically your brain is a goal-seeking system.
When you set a meaningful goal your prefrontal cortex lights up, this is the part of the brain responsible for planning, focus and decision-making. You also activate the reticular activating system (RAS), which acts like a filter, that alerts you to opportunities that align with your goal. Your brain begins to prioritise resources toward that outcome.
Also setting a goal triggers the release of dopamine the neurochemical of motivation and pleasure, and contrary to popular belief, dopamine isn’t just released when you achieve a goal. It’s released as you make progress toward it.
That means that showing up for your goal day after day literally rewires your brain. You're teaching your system what matters by taking aligned action toward a vision that excites you reinforces it neurologically.
Research (Boyatzis et al., 2015) has shown that setting goals in a Positive Emotional Attractor (PEA) state of curiosity, hope, inspiration activates neural networks associated with long-term vision, growth and behavioural change. Setting goals from stress, fear or shame (Negative Emotional Attractor states) creates the opposite - limited options, tunnel vision and nervous system disruption.
So how you set your goal and the energy you’re in when you do it makes a massive difference.
Why Goal Setting Hasn’t Worked For You (Yet)
You may be wary of goal setting because it’s hurt before. Maybe you set big goals and didn’t follow through. Or you achieved them and still didn’t feel fulfilled. Its possible goals became a form of self-punishment as evidence that you weren’t good enough yet.
When there is resistance to goal setting, we listen. Resistance is often intelligence. Many people have internalised the idea that if they set a goal and fail, it confirms their unworthiness. Others have set goals that required them to abandon themselves to achieve them. In these cases the resistance to goal setting is a protective pattern and honouring it is part of the healing.
This isn’t a flaw in you. It’s a flaw in how goals were being used.
Most of us were never taught how to set goals in a way that includes
The nervous system
The emotional body
The unconscious mind
The soul
Instead we were taught to set goals like academic or work assignments that were measurable, externally approved and disconnected from how we actually feel. Like many high-achieving women who have defined success through external validation, perfectionism or doing things “right” rather than attuning to their own energetic truth.
In transformational coaching we do it differently.
We slow down. We listen to your resistance. We trace it to the part of you that’s trying to protect you from disappointment. And we bring love to that part before we build anything new.
We begin with self-inquiry, with embodiment, with noticing the nervous system's response to your vision, because your body tells the truth before your mind does. If a goal makes your shoulders tense, your gut contract or your breath shallow it may not be your true goal. It may be a conditioned goal or a “should” in disguise.
Only when the body is ready do we begin.
How to Set a Goal That Actually Sticks
We begin with meaning. Not tasks. Not deadlines. Meaning.
Ask yourself
“What am I ready to experience more deeply in my life?”
“Who am I becoming as I live into that?”
“What kind of energy does that version of me carry?”
“How would I know in my body that I’m living in alignment with that goal?”
Once you have a vision you break it down but not just into action steps. Into identity-level intentions.
We use implementation intentions to create ease. These are “if-then” plans for your nervous system. “If I wake up tired, then I give myself a breath practice and check in.” “If I feel anxious before ….., then I ground and reconnect to my purpose.”
These create safety which is the foundation for consistency.
We also use Goal Attainment Scaling (GAS) or embodied tracking a way to measure success based on presence, not just outcome. For example: “Did I feel more grounded in my leadership this week?” “was I fully backing my offers with conviction?” “Did I stay connected to my energy while sharing my work?”
This helps you track your becoming, not just your doing.
When You Feel Resistant Again (Because You Will)
Resistance doesn’t mean you’re failing.
It means you’re at an edge.
That edge is where your past identity meets your emerging self and the job of your nervous system is to keep you safe so it will want to pull you back.
The work here is not to push harder. It’s to get still to be able to pause and listen. To ask “What part of me doesn’t feel safe to grow into this?” And to meet that part with compassion, not judgment.
This is where coaching is invaluable. A coach can help you co-regulate through resistance, hold your highest vision when you forget it and design support structures that fit you specifically, not a performance culture’s idea of success.
Goal Setting as a Spiritual Practice.
This may sound different but here’s what I know.
When done from the right place goal setting is a spiritual practice.
It’s not about controlling life. It’s about honouring your unique aliveness.
When you articulate a soul-aligned goal and you live in service to it you become more coherent. You become more magnetic. You begin to organise your energy around your highest truth and the ripple effect is real. You attract different people. You make decisions with more clarity. You stop outsourcing your power. You move from obligation to resonance.
This is the power of embodied, nervous system-aware, soul-led goal setting.
And it’s available to you not when you “figure it all out,” but when you choose to start again approaching how you set your goals, differently this time.
This is where somatic and identity-based coaching becomes essential. Before setting goals, we explore the question who are you becoming? What are you devoted to beyond achievement? How do you want to feel as you live your life?
Once we have those answers, the structure becomes supportive rather than pressurising. We set goals not as a performance but as an embodiment of truth.
A client-centred approach to goal setting begins by clarifying long-term vision. Not just "what do you want in five years?" Or ‘how much money do you want to make”. We are more interested in "what kind of woman do you want to be known as?" "What legacy do you want to leave?" "What energetic signature do you want your life to carry?" These vision-based reflections inform the direction of all your goals.
From here we bring the vision into focus. We identify key areas of life such as business, creativity, relationships, wellbeing and distill one or two meaningful intentions in each. These are not about control. They are about alignment.
Once we have mid-range goals we work with implementation intentions. This means creating “when-then” cues that help automate your alignment. "When I wake up, then I take three breaths before checking my emails." "When I feel overwhelmed, then I pause and ground before responding." These micro-commitments are incredibly effective in rewiring behaviour, especially when paired with somatic practices that calm the nervous system.
We also work with weekly and monthly micro-goals. These are not just to-do items. They are small embodied expressions of your larger vision. "This week I will reach out to someone who inspires me." "This month I will move my body in a way that connects me to pleasure." These micro-goals are tracked not just for completion but for how they feel in your system.
You begin to notice if you are you moving toward these actions with joy or dread? Are you feeling expanded or contracted? This is how you build not just momentum but self-trust.
In our work together we use Goal Attainment Scaling (GAS) to reflect your own perception of progress. Rather than a binary success/failure frame, you reflect on how aligned your actions felt. You learn to track your own energy, not just outcomes.
Most importantly we anchor every goal in your nervous system. We use breathwork, movement, visualisation and energy practices to help you embody the future you are calling in. You don’t just think your goals. You rehearse them. You become them.
Through this process you begin to experience goal setting not as a rigid system but as a relational and regenerative practice. Your goals become more than achievements. They become expressions of your true self.
This is transformational goal setting. It’s not about doing more. It’s about becoming more of who you are.
Here is a conversational self inquiry based toolkit you can use to guide transformative goal setting. It's designed to unfold organically within an inner dialogue as self inquiry or a dialogue with your coach without it feeling like a checklist.
Begin with Curiosity and Relationship
Start by attuning to your emotional state around goal setting.
“When you hear the word ‘goals,’ what happens in your body?”
Notice your posture, breath, facial expression. Ask what sensations are present - contraction, tightness, openness?
“What’s your past experience with setting goals?”
Hold space for stories of failure, burnout, or disconnection. Reflect back the language with warmth, helping the feelings to be seen, not judged.
“What kind of relationship do you want to have with your desires going forward?”
This reframes goal setting as a relational healing practice not a performance test.
Move Toward Meaning and Identity
Invite yourself into a more resonant exploration of desire and becoming.
“What are you currently feeling pulled toward not from pressure, but from a deeper truth?”
“Who are you becoming that these desires belong to?”
“If you didn’t have to prove anything, what would you allow yourself to want?”
This helps distinguish between ego-based striving and soul-led vision.
Explore Embodied and Nervous System Cues
Ground the process somatically.
“When you say that goal out loud, how does your body respond?”
Is there ease, tension, numbness, expansion? Let the body help calibrate alignment.
“Is there any part of you that doesn’t feel safe to have or pursue that?”
Gently uncover protective patterns. You can use parts language here “What does that part need to feel safe?”
“What would support your nervous system in holding that much desire?”
This invites resourcing and integration, especially if you recognise that you chronically override your own needs.
Define the Vision and Felt Experience
Shift from abstract desires to experiential clarity.
“Imagine the version of you who has embodied this goal what does she feel like, move like, know?”
“What is the energetic signature of your desired future?”
“If this desire had a frequency, how would it move through your day-to-day life?”
This bypasses outcome obsession and brings goals into the realm of presence and embodiment.
Create Structure Without Rigidity
Support in translating vision into resonant structure.
“What’s a small meaningful way you can start living into that this week?”
“What actions feel like an authentic ‘yes’ in your body not just a strategic move?” Understand your own unique yes first.
“When-then When you feel ……….., then what aligned action or support do you choose?”
Use implementation intentions to build safety and consistency without micromanaging.
“How will you know not just in results but in your body that this goal is unfolding in alignment?”
Let your own inner compass be the metric.
Anchor the Integration
Close the conversation with internal anchoring.
“What new belief or way of being is this goal asking you to step into?”
“What’s a one-line reminder or affirmation you can carry with you this week?”
“What does the future you, want to whisper to you right now?”
This transforms the coaching conversation from mere goal-setting into identity activation grounded in neuroscience, nervous system awareness, and soul truth.
What if your goals weren’t tasks to complete but portals into your next identity?
I’m here to guide you into your deepest expression through energetic mastery, spiritual integration and identity coherence. Stop completely outsourcing your future to strategy and start building it from Source.
VESSEL is a full-body reorientation into your original power through your energetic signature, your spiritual authority, your embodied intelligence. You’re ready to calibrate to the woman who builds from coherence apply for VESSEL.
Research & Sources Referenced
Locke, E.A., & Latham, G.P. (2002). Goal Setting Theory. American Psychologist.
Deci, E.L., & Ryan, R.M. (2000). Self-Determination Theory. Psychological Inquiry.
Schultz, W. (2007). Dopamine and Reward. Trends in Neurosciences.
Boyatzis, R.E. et al. (2015). The Role of Positive Emotional Attractors in Visioning. The Journal of Management Development.
Hebb, D. (1949). The Organization of Behavior: A Neuropsychological Theory.
Implementation Intentions: Gollwitzer, P.M. (1999). American Psychologist.
Goal Attainment Scaling (GAS): Kiresuk, T.J., & Sherman, R.E. (1968). Community Mental Health Journal.